hello.
how can i help you stay happy? i am watching you approach another dangerous terrain. you are aware what is ahead of you but never said anything about it. i know you cried earlier today. but when i saw you, you were joking and giggling at everything. haha you are still your silly self! but haven't i always told you that you can't lie? sigh i know you feel alone, confused and frightened...

but i am guilty of pretending too. i am sorry, i know i should at least try to say something but i don't know what to say... how to make you feel better about this.

life is harsh. just when things are getting better, you receive a phone-call during lunch. "shawn, what should we do?" the voice trembled. i know i always portray myself as focused and strong in front all of you guys. but this time, i have to confess that i really don't know. i feel just as helpless as you. after hearing, my heart was very quiet. my mind began visualizing what would happen and i started to imagine how you would feel. i wept. i know this will be difficult for you. i don't know why your life has so much of these things but i trust God and He will take good care of you... i am not like God, as much as i empathize, i know i won't be able to understand the magnitude of the confusion and fear that you would soon feel. i try to take you out, to distract you - ask you silly questions about school, drink bubble tea and shoot pearls at road signs... i am still not him. and i will not be able to fill that emptiness in that portion of your heart. only God can...

but still, i can't stop myself from being scared. i really don't want to see you sad! from the very first day i was aware that this will happen some day. but i did not know that it will be this soon.

i am sorry, love. i am sorry i can't protect you from this.

please forgive your korkor.
i love you with all my heart. i promise i won't be far from you and will hold your hand when it all unfolds.

--

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. -Jeremiah 29:11